


the thing about youth culture

by anonemone



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, Mild Language, mundane AU, sorta? no mention of any supernatural shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-08 13:30:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6856993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anonemone/pseuds/anonemone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Who even talks to themselves while buying condoms?</p>
<p>Or, Jace and Simon get into a literal dick-measuring contest</p>
            </blockquote>





	the thing about youth culture

**Author's Note:**

> Condoms are a foreign concept to me, and are frankly terrifying. Inspired by [this tumblr post](http://perfectlyrose.tumblr.com/post/100805267665/some-aus-to-consider-rival-superheros-who-are).

“Time to get a monster condom to use for my magnum dong.”

Jace glances beside him. Who the fuck talks to themselves while buying condoms?

Cute fluffy-haired guys in denim jackets and glasses, apparently.

“Please,” Jace says, letting his gaze settle on Nerd Guy’s groin. “You’re hardly a regular.”

“It’s a _reference_ ,” Nerd Guy snaps, not even looking at him. Jace sees him get a large anyway.

“While I like a confident guy, getting the wrong size actually renders the thing pretty useless.”

Nerd Guy looks at him disbelievingly for a second, before his expression morphs into one of extreme annoyance. “Now look here you little—“

He trails off, and Jace can’t help but smirk because yeah, he has that effect on people.

“Do you even have someone to use that with?,” he asks, which seems to break him from his breathless wonder.

“Oh, fuck you.”

“I suppose it would be a shame to let that condom go to waste. Though I get the feeling I’d be the one wearing it.”

Nerd Guy launches himself at Jace. “You wanna fucking go, asshole? Smug little—“

“Simon!” A girl with violently red hair appears out of nowhere and pulls him back. “Simon, leave it.”

“Leave it? Tell that to Captain America over here.”

The girl smiles then, like she was just let in on some infinitely amusing secret. She examines Jace approvingly. “If the two of you are really that interested in a dick-measuring contest…” She pulls a pen out her pocket and grabs Jace’s hand.

Nerd Guy Simon gapes at her. “I cannot believe that you’d turn on me like this.” The girl doesn’t even look at him, just pokes her tongue out in concentration as she draws on Jace’s palm. “I knew I should never have trusted you, Fray, betraying me at the first sight of attractive blonde guy.”

“Actually, it was his blindingly fast wit that did me in.” The girl (Fray?) hums happily at her work, caps her pen, and pats Jace’s hand. “There. Guard it with your life.” Simon rolls his eyes, muttering a quiet ‘Oh Gods,’ and Fray turns to him imperially, which shuts him up. “Now come on, I believe I was promised a trip to the art store.”

She merrily drags Simon away. “Captain America?”

“Shut up,” Simon says darkly, but he’s actually smiling now. Clary looks back at Jace and throws him a wink.

He looks at his hand. There, decorated with dainty little curlicues: _Simon Lewis,_ followed by a phone number.

Jace grins and takes a picture.

(Two weeks and five dates later, Jace finds out that Simon took the right size condom after all.)

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry for this. I have lost all control over my life.


End file.
